Dearest Storm/Roran,
You are now 2 months old and it looks like you may have reflux like your big brother. At your 2 month check up yesterday, you were 22.5 inches long (which I think may be off--you keep your legs tucked up tight to your body and have very strong muscles, so when they measured, I'm not sure you were stretched out all the way), and 10 lbs, 2 oz. This put you in the 7th percentile for weight. Yes, you're growing and your development is right on schedule, perhaps even advanced. You coo, track objects with your eyes, hold your head up pretty well, support your weight when we stand you up and turn your head in both directions when on your tummy. What you're NOT really doing is putting on weight as fast as you should. You don't spit nearly as much as your brother did, but do have terrible gas and sometimes cry after feedings (especially the first one of the morning), so we think that the heartburn may be coming up partway and just not all the way at the moment. Though we've had you on reflux medicine "as needed" since 3 weeks, we're now going to give it to you twice a day for a couple of weeks and see if it helps the gas and other issues. I really, truly hope that it's not as bad as your brother had it (he cried at least 5-6 hours a day at your age, so I have hope that since you cry 2-3 hours at a time at most, it's not as severe). I also hope that the holistic doctor's remedy (which we are awaiting by mail) will give you relief! You're a very, very sweet boy (the most adorable coos!) when you're happy--but you do have a serious temper on you when we do something you don't like!
You REALLY did like your vaccines. I don't blame you--and I was honestly a bit worried about you getting so many at once (the doctor kept assuring me your immune system could take it and with so many germs going around, it was best to give you all those shots as early as possible. She told me her 2 year old had all of them on schedule and, though a bit fussy, did fine. This is my defense if someday it turns out that the medical field changes their position on so many immunizations--I questioned, I argued against so many shots now, and the doctor urged me forward). Anyway, you were pretty mad at me yesterday after the doctor's and part of the afternoon. It also gave you some trouble getting settled last night, staying up longer after feedings, but tylenol did seem to help a lot (we gave you two doses total, as when they wore off you screamed, but after that you seemed okay).
It's different than with your brother though. This time, when I felt anxious and overwhelmed, I told my doctor and went on antidepressants. I was worried how this might impact my ability to function (as I've been on them, off and on, since 17 and sometimes they make me a bit fuzzy), but I'm really sad now that I didn't do this earlier. I realize now that so much of the anxiety I had with Tristan and the guilt I had was hormonal and self-inflicted. Now, though the house is a mess, I'm okay with it and okay with you crying some. It's not that I don't care, but I know that 1) the state of the house isn't as important as the well being of you and your brother (and it's not so dirty that you'd get sick--though T has brought home at least 3 colds from preschool since you've been born, so we have been sick a good amount!) and 2) I am doing all I can to care for you, and I think you even realize that. I wish I'd known with Tristan that, despite reflux, it didn't have to be so hard and with antidepressants, I could have functioned better, been happier, and maybe even enjoyed the difficult times. I tell you all of this so that, one day, if you read this and your wife or a friend (or you!) are going through something similar, that you know there's no shame in seeking emotional/hormonal help and that the kindest thing you can do for babies is to care for yourself first so that you can be the best parent you can be! I don't know how long the reflux will last (it lasted a year for your brother!) but I am not as nervous this time about each day and "making it through," so we'll take it as it comes.
Thank you that, despite some fussiness, you're generally a happy baby! You make me smile a lot as you "talk" to me, and you do it a LOT! You're a very vocal baby, and seem to really love talking to mama, papa, brother, and the dogs (though you're not always sure about them). I do call you my baby velociraptor though as you hold your hands close to your chin and voraciously grab for food and feeding time! You stare into my eyes a lot as you eat and make happy noises about being fed when you can. Tender and violent all at the same time, that's you. Your brother loves you, too. He's always anxious to see you every morning, give you a paci, play with you during tummy time and show you some of his favorite things (trains, planes, cars, and sophie the giraffe among them). You are always happy to see his face and smile at him even now. I truly hope that as you both grow you continue to have this kind of friendship and love of each other for years to come. I am very blessed to have both of you as sons.
Love,
Mama
Wednesday, January 23, 2013
Tuesday, December 18, 2012
2012 in review
The month that's passed since your birth has been mostly a blur. You do sleep more than your brother did, but sure LOVE eating--you eat sometimes for 20 minutes every hour (for instance, 4pm, 5pm, 6 pm, 7pm, and 8:30pm last night and then 6am, 7 am, 8 am, and 9:30 this morning, with a 1am and 3 am feeding between those). You also love to eat FAST--and then end up with crazy gas and tummy bubbles. You also get REALLY mad if you think I'm not feeding you fast enough! You try to hold your head up every time you're on my shoulder to burp and often try to sit up when in your car seat.
In other words, you're doing your best to grow up as fast as you possibly can. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but would love it if you didn't eat so fast because all that gas makes you cry a lot!
2012 was nothing like I thought it would be. I finished 2011 thinking I'd be headed to Thailand in January and have a fellowship to finish out my dissertation quickly. Thailand flooded and we couldn't go, and then the fellowship committee didn't want to fund anyone in Humanities/outside the 'hard sciences.' I taught the summer Beijing Teachers program again though and was able to pay off the rest of my dissertation hours. We were also trying to get pregnant, and started trying probably in October 2011 or so. I cried almost every month that we weren't because I was just so SURE we were. By March, my suspicions were even stronger when morning sickness kicked in. The pregnancy tests came back negative then, though, so I just kept waiting. We officially knew the first week of April. I was very excited, though concerned about how your brother might adapt to no longer being an only child. We let everyone else know about his pending "big brother" status on Mother's Day.
In the meantime, you (in very tiny form) and I went to Vancouver, Canada for the American Educational Research Association conference and Narrative Inquiry workshop. I was still sick and tired but found a burst of energy--and finishing the dissertation in the fall and graduating in December suddenly seemed possible. I submitted a full draft in July, did revisions several times, sent it to the committee, did more revisions, defended it on October 4, did more revisions, submitted it as a final draft in mid-November and officially graduated three weeks after your birth. Yeah, it made for a long road, long pregnancy, and long process, but both you and the "doctor" degree were well worth it! A hail storm at the end of April really complicated things as well ; it totaled one of our cars, the house's roof, siding and gutters, and then we had to work with insurance, our bank (who financed our mortgage) and contractors to get that work done. it seemed like a very long and expensive year of repairs!
It was also an interesting year as I turned 30--a new decade, and the opportunity to reflect on what came before and my goals for the future. Obviously, you were part of those goals. Another big goal was to find a place and activity your brother loved and could participate in. I had hoped to get T into preschool for the fall, and though it happened a bit late, we did! He loves going to the Rittenour Early childhood center and has grown so much in the last few months. One of these ways is in the gentle way and loving way I see him approach you. He wants to help--get you your paci, your blanket, your toys, pat your head and talk to you. He really loves having a "baby brudder, Woran," and since all of his classmates seem to know your name when we pick him up, I can only guess that he keeps telling them about you too :D
I'm looking forward to the next year--hoping you'll sleep more, T will continue to do so well with school and playing with you, and frankly just putting 2012 behind us--did I mention it felt long? ;) May 2013 bring you joy, hope and wonder. I can't wait to watch you grow!
In other words, you're doing your best to grow up as fast as you possibly can. I'm not sure how I feel about that, but would love it if you didn't eat so fast because all that gas makes you cry a lot!
2012 was nothing like I thought it would be. I finished 2011 thinking I'd be headed to Thailand in January and have a fellowship to finish out my dissertation quickly. Thailand flooded and we couldn't go, and then the fellowship committee didn't want to fund anyone in Humanities/outside the 'hard sciences.' I taught the summer Beijing Teachers program again though and was able to pay off the rest of my dissertation hours. We were also trying to get pregnant, and started trying probably in October 2011 or so. I cried almost every month that we weren't because I was just so SURE we were. By March, my suspicions were even stronger when morning sickness kicked in. The pregnancy tests came back negative then, though, so I just kept waiting. We officially knew the first week of April. I was very excited, though concerned about how your brother might adapt to no longer being an only child. We let everyone else know about his pending "big brother" status on Mother's Day.
In the meantime, you (in very tiny form) and I went to Vancouver, Canada for the American Educational Research Association conference and Narrative Inquiry workshop. I was still sick and tired but found a burst of energy--and finishing the dissertation in the fall and graduating in December suddenly seemed possible. I submitted a full draft in July, did revisions several times, sent it to the committee, did more revisions, defended it on October 4, did more revisions, submitted it as a final draft in mid-November and officially graduated three weeks after your birth. Yeah, it made for a long road, long pregnancy, and long process, but both you and the "doctor" degree were well worth it! A hail storm at the end of April really complicated things as well ; it totaled one of our cars, the house's roof, siding and gutters, and then we had to work with insurance, our bank (who financed our mortgage) and contractors to get that work done. it seemed like a very long and expensive year of repairs!
It was also an interesting year as I turned 30--a new decade, and the opportunity to reflect on what came before and my goals for the future. Obviously, you were part of those goals. Another big goal was to find a place and activity your brother loved and could participate in. I had hoped to get T into preschool for the fall, and though it happened a bit late, we did! He loves going to the Rittenour Early childhood center and has grown so much in the last few months. One of these ways is in the gentle way and loving way I see him approach you. He wants to help--get you your paci, your blanket, your toys, pat your head and talk to you. He really loves having a "baby brudder, Woran," and since all of his classmates seem to know your name when we pick him up, I can only guess that he keeps telling them about you too :D
I'm looking forward to the next year--hoping you'll sleep more, T will continue to do so well with school and playing with you, and frankly just putting 2012 behind us--did I mention it felt long? ;) May 2013 bring you joy, hope and wonder. I can't wait to watch you grow!
Thursday, November 22, 2012
Your Birth Story
Let me begin by saying that I am very, very grateful for my husband's support through the whole process, doctors and nurses who were incredibly kind...and for modern medicine.
11:15 pm on Tuesday night, contractions started pretty hard...but with 2 false alarms under my belt, I waited to do anything for a few hours and made sure that the contractions were getting stronger. 2:30am, we called James Rantanen to watch T (so we could head to the hospital) and called my parents. At the admittance check, I was at 5 1/2 cm and 80% effaced. We were definitely staying to have a baby.
By 7, I was at 7 1/2 cm and just about 100% effaced. We broke my water (since it was bulging and had been since admittance at 3 am) around 9 when my OB came in, thinking that since he was very low, he'd come popping out. Nope.
We started pushing around 9:30 as I hit 10 cm and 100% effaced and... nada. His heart rate would shoot higher and my body was doing what it was supposed to do, but his head was no where in sight. Certainly he'd come after an hour of pushing, right, since his brother took 2 hours of pushing? I tried every position I could think of to get traction and though every contraction MADE me push out of instinct, I was tired after 3 weeks of BH and little progress. They felt around him, and realized that he was in OP position (just like Tristan, he was face up and slightly turned to the left side). His head would have to mold to move...which meant I had to keep going and pushing probably for another hour.
My OB had to go handle an emergency situation around 11 am, and my AMAZING nurse Karen (who'd taken over at the 7 am slot) took over trying to walk me through pushing, with Rob. Counter pressure, curling, squatting bar...and I was tired. and overwhelmed. I asked the nurse what else we could try. She called my OB for a consult, and they said we had two options: forceps and c-section. I REALLY didn't want a c-section if I could avoid it (the thought of trying to keep up with T and Roran by myself after surgery was scary), so I said we'd try the forceps. I had avoided it with T by being able to push harder, but Roran wasn't decending enough.
Natural was now out because I'd pushed for three hours, was worried about his head (T had been really cone headed), and the contractions were STRONG--until I tried pushing. It was like my body was working against me, and pushing, while taking energy, wasn't making any progress. Since his head wasn't showing and they were going to try forceps, they asked that I get an epidural. I consented (though I knew it would make recovery a bit harder and I couldn't walk around anymore).
I can't begin to tell you the relief I felt after the back pain and contractions numbed. My OB returned a little before 1, and just before she arrived, a 4th year resident, Brieanne, came in to introduce herself and explain that she was excited to work with my OB and learn how to use forceps. She explained that most docs don't even try it anymore (malpractice lawsuits if things go wrong), but it's an art and better for getting out stubborn babies than vaccuums. My doc said they'd try over 3 contractions and if that didn't work we'd have to go to c-section because of his heart rate and position. Even though it was her first time, Brieanne did BEAUTIFULLY getting in the forceps (she didn't even have to reposition them) and 2.5 contractions later (and a heck of a lot of pushing), he was OUT. His head was in better shape than T's had been when delivered and he came out crying loudly! Apgars were 8 and 9 and his oxygen levels were 100%. I ended up with a level 2 tear (hard to avoid with forceps) and a LOT of stitches, but everyone shook their heads. As Brieanne told me, "the thing no one tells you about trying to go natural is that you really need the labor to progress and fast." When I stopped progressing, I had to change my birth plans--but the important thing is that both Roran and I are doing very well, though I imagine he had a bad headache yesterday and I'm pretty sore. There is much to be thankful for today, not the least of which is that I was in a safe place with great doctors.
Saturday, July 14, 2012
Your name--your real name!
Dearest Stormageddon,
Your papa and I went to the doctor this past week for one of our favorite things--an ultrasound! We only get to do this twice during pregnancy. The first time is to make sure that you're there and growing OK around 7 or 8 weeks. This time, at 20 weeks, we get to see your little face and find out if you're a boy or girl. We were a bit nervous, and didn't know what to expect. Needless to say, the name we'd picked out won't work--I don't think the other boys on the playground would be very nice to a boy named "Gwen."
This was exciting--we went out the next day, actually, and ordered bunk beds for you and your brother to share once you're a bit older (but Tristan needed a big boy now, so he'll be using one of them until you're ready to join him!) We started looking for a better name for you as well. We wanted something not too crazy, but Gaelic, Celtic, or Welsh in origin (much like your brother), a time-tested name and not too high on the top baby names list. We asked Tristan what he thought and he said "Dragon!" We thought that was a bit too...unusual.
Your brother likes to tell us "Yes, okay" a lot when we give him choices instead of actually choosing something. This is why when we asked him about two (real) possibilities, your papa and I were REALLY surprised that he chose one. It may not be what we end up naming you, but if it is,...it's pretty neat to think that your brother knew you that well even before you were born that he played a part in naming you.
Most days, he's not sure about having a baby in the house as he really likes having his mama's full attention. He does love playing with Sean, a 1-year-old playmate at church and the babysitter's house, though, so I think he'll be pretty excited when you're here. I'm worried that you two will get into a lot of trouble though!
Your room isn't close to ready yet, but we have started working on it and picking out decorations. Your papa loves airplanes and can't wait to add a few to your room soon :D
We love you, and we can't wait to meet you and play with you in about 5 months!
Love,
Your mama
Your papa and I went to the doctor this past week for one of our favorite things--an ultrasound! We only get to do this twice during pregnancy. The first time is to make sure that you're there and growing OK around 7 or 8 weeks. This time, at 20 weeks, we get to see your little face and find out if you're a boy or girl. We were a bit nervous, and didn't know what to expect. Needless to say, the name we'd picked out won't work--I don't think the other boys on the playground would be very nice to a boy named "Gwen."
This was exciting--we went out the next day, actually, and ordered bunk beds for you and your brother to share once you're a bit older (but Tristan needed a big boy now, so he'll be using one of them until you're ready to join him!) We started looking for a better name for you as well. We wanted something not too crazy, but Gaelic, Celtic, or Welsh in origin (much like your brother), a time-tested name and not too high on the top baby names list. We asked Tristan what he thought and he said "Dragon!" We thought that was a bit too...unusual.
Your brother likes to tell us "Yes, okay" a lot when we give him choices instead of actually choosing something. This is why when we asked him about two (real) possibilities, your papa and I were REALLY surprised that he chose one. It may not be what we end up naming you, but if it is,...it's pretty neat to think that your brother knew you that well even before you were born that he played a part in naming you.
Most days, he's not sure about having a baby in the house as he really likes having his mama's full attention. He does love playing with Sean, a 1-year-old playmate at church and the babysitter's house, though, so I think he'll be pretty excited when you're here. I'm worried that you two will get into a lot of trouble though!
Your room isn't close to ready yet, but we have started working on it and picking out decorations. Your papa loves airplanes and can't wait to add a few to your room soon :D
We love you, and we can't wait to meet you and play with you in about 5 months!
Love,
Your mama
Tuesday, May 29, 2012
14 Weeks
Dearest Stormageddon,
It's hard to believe how much is changing right now. I'm in the midst of teaching two summer classes and writing a lot for my dissertation. Your papa is really busy with work and finishing up little projects around the house--I can feel him getting excited and nervous about your arrival. We're trying to talk to your big brother more about you coming, but he's still such a mama's boy that he won't believe me when I say I can't pick him up anymore. YOU are changing right along with us. I can feel you kicking like crazy some times around 3 in the morning or around 7pm when I'm putting your brother to bed. I can feel my hip bones sliding out further and my skin and muscles stretching around my middle. I still don't think you like me eating very much. I've taken to chewing ginger gum, which helps a lot, and having really small snacks very often so that the nausea that always seems much worse on an empty stomach doesn't show up.
I know it may not be fair, but I do wonder constantly what kind of baby you'll be and whether you'll be a boy or a girl. The unfair part? I do comparisons in my head to your brother. I know you're different children and will have different personalities (or at least I hope so. Mama's not sure she could handle two Tristans!) but I do wonder HOW different you two will be. Will you get along? I know you won't at first--your brother won't like not being the center of attention. I only hope that, like my sister and I, you grow up to be friends or at least stand each other's company well :D
We love you and think about you a lot lately.
Love,
Mama
It's hard to believe how much is changing right now. I'm in the midst of teaching two summer classes and writing a lot for my dissertation. Your papa is really busy with work and finishing up little projects around the house--I can feel him getting excited and nervous about your arrival. We're trying to talk to your big brother more about you coming, but he's still such a mama's boy that he won't believe me when I say I can't pick him up anymore. YOU are changing right along with us. I can feel you kicking like crazy some times around 3 in the morning or around 7pm when I'm putting your brother to bed. I can feel my hip bones sliding out further and my skin and muscles stretching around my middle. I still don't think you like me eating very much. I've taken to chewing ginger gum, which helps a lot, and having really small snacks very often so that the nausea that always seems much worse on an empty stomach doesn't show up.
I know it may not be fair, but I do wonder constantly what kind of baby you'll be and whether you'll be a boy or a girl. The unfair part? I do comparisons in my head to your brother. I know you're different children and will have different personalities (or at least I hope so. Mama's not sure she could handle two Tristans!) but I do wonder HOW different you two will be. Will you get along? I know you won't at first--your brother won't like not being the center of attention. I only hope that, like my sister and I, you grow up to be friends or at least stand each other's company well :D
We love you and think about you a lot lately.
Love,
Mama
Monday, May 21, 2012
Your nickname
Dearest Stormageddon,
Your parents are sort of nerds. Not just any nerds though--we're science fiction loving nerds who adore Dr. Who. Though we didn't grow up with the series in the 1980s (though mama still remembers hearing the intro music a few times when I was a kid), we did get "hooked" when it came back to TV in the 2000s. A time-traveling alien known as "the doctor" traverses the universe, helping other species, getting in trouble, and generally having fun with historical figures all while others are out to stop him--what's not to like?
During season 5, when the doctor takes on civilian life and a human flatmate, Craig, he ends up "saving the day" (again) and he helps the flatmate get a date with a girl he's been interested in for a long time. In series 6 in an episode set several years later, Craig is married to this girl and they've had a baby. The doctor talks to the baby (of course he can! He speaks thousands of languages) and the baby wants to inform Craig that he doesn't like his given name. "He prefers to be called Stormageddon, Lord of All!" the doctor explains.
I couldn't stop laughing at this idea. A baby who thought he was in charge and that his speech was more advanced? That's...well, when you've spent enough time around babies and know that they really believe the world revolves around them, it doesn't seem that preposterous. It is funny, however, to grown ups--and "stormageddon" seemed to be the perfect nickname for a baby whose gender was yet unknown. Any baby would believe they were stormageddon and at the center of everything.
Considering how much this pregnancy has turned my life upside down lately (sickness, exhaustion, and trying to finish a dissertation before you get here)? You are the perfect little storm. Mama would like to eat something that doesn't make her feel nauseous now though, if you don't mind!
Love,
Mama
Your parents are sort of nerds. Not just any nerds though--we're science fiction loving nerds who adore Dr. Who. Though we didn't grow up with the series in the 1980s (though mama still remembers hearing the intro music a few times when I was a kid), we did get "hooked" when it came back to TV in the 2000s. A time-traveling alien known as "the doctor" traverses the universe, helping other species, getting in trouble, and generally having fun with historical figures all while others are out to stop him--what's not to like?
During season 5, when the doctor takes on civilian life and a human flatmate, Craig, he ends up "saving the day" (again) and he helps the flatmate get a date with a girl he's been interested in for a long time. In series 6 in an episode set several years later, Craig is married to this girl and they've had a baby. The doctor talks to the baby (of course he can! He speaks thousands of languages) and the baby wants to inform Craig that he doesn't like his given name. "He prefers to be called Stormageddon, Lord of All!" the doctor explains.
I couldn't stop laughing at this idea. A baby who thought he was in charge and that his speech was more advanced? That's...well, when you've spent enough time around babies and know that they really believe the world revolves around them, it doesn't seem that preposterous. It is funny, however, to grown ups--and "stormageddon" seemed to be the perfect nickname for a baby whose gender was yet unknown. Any baby would believe they were stormageddon and at the center of everything.
Considering how much this pregnancy has turned my life upside down lately (sickness, exhaustion, and trying to finish a dissertation before you get here)? You are the perfect little storm. Mama would like to eat something that doesn't make her feel nauseous now though, if you don't mind!
Love,
Mama
13 Weeks
Dearest Stormageddon,
I'm sorry it took me this long to get started. I knew I wanted to do something for you similar to what I did for your brother, but...well, let's start at the beginning.
Your brother, Tristan, was a surprise. I'd been told three months before we found out we were pregnant with him that I might never be able to get pregnant thanks to an illness called Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). We weren't trying to have a baby at that point, but it made us a bit sad.
After that, when we realized we could get pregnant, it was all we could do not to tell everyone right away. In fact, by the time I was 6 weeks pregnant, I think everyone knew! I had just started a PhD program at UMSL three months before and so it was a lot to plan and prepare and try to stay in the program.
We did! Despite all of the reflux and jaundice and craziness we went through with your brother, I was able to stay in school and come very close to finishing. By the time Tristan was two and a half, I knew I really wanted another baby. Your dad took a bit more convincing that early on! I kept telling him that I could finish my dissertation and graduate from UMSL beforehand. It took awhile to get pregnant this time (6 months) after we starting trying, and I was very nervous. I knew the risk for miscarriage with PCOS was higher and, well, I didn't want to tell too many people about you until we knew that you'd more than likely be coming to join us.
I was scared to start writing you letters too early, either. What if I started talking to you, telling you stories, and thinking too much about your nursery only to have you leave our lives before we even knew if you were a boy or a girl?
We started telling everyone around mother's day, when I was 12 weeks pregnant. You were definitely beginning to make an appearance and everyone knew it :D
In some ways, you were harder to keep secret than Tristan would have been. Mama felt SICK a lot, and it started when she was only 4 weeks pregnant with you! We didn't even know about Tristan until I was 5 weeks along or so. he idea of "morning sickness" isn't exactly accurate. Breakfast wasn't appealing, but dinner was often something that sounded far worse. I felt like I always had a green sheen to my face :( I didn't really care though, as I thought if it meant you'd be healthier than your brother had been, then I'd happily take a much rougher pregnancy. I had to blame your brother a LOT though, to get out of evening events and keep people from knowing how sick mama felt. We told people often that Tristan was overly tired and needed to go home, which was also often true. Don't worry--I'm sure Tristan will return the favor in future and he'll blame YOU for things to get out of trouble :D
I'll explain your nickname later, but for now your mama (and papa) just wanted to get your story started on paper and let you know that we love you and are excited that you will join our family in November 2012.
Love,
Mama
I'm sorry it took me this long to get started. I knew I wanted to do something for you similar to what I did for your brother, but...well, let's start at the beginning.
Your brother, Tristan, was a surprise. I'd been told three months before we found out we were pregnant with him that I might never be able to get pregnant thanks to an illness called Polycystic ovarian syndrome (PCOS). We weren't trying to have a baby at that point, but it made us a bit sad.
After that, when we realized we could get pregnant, it was all we could do not to tell everyone right away. In fact, by the time I was 6 weeks pregnant, I think everyone knew! I had just started a PhD program at UMSL three months before and so it was a lot to plan and prepare and try to stay in the program.
We did! Despite all of the reflux and jaundice and craziness we went through with your brother, I was able to stay in school and come very close to finishing. By the time Tristan was two and a half, I knew I really wanted another baby. Your dad took a bit more convincing that early on! I kept telling him that I could finish my dissertation and graduate from UMSL beforehand. It took awhile to get pregnant this time (6 months) after we starting trying, and I was very nervous. I knew the risk for miscarriage with PCOS was higher and, well, I didn't want to tell too many people about you until we knew that you'd more than likely be coming to join us.
I was scared to start writing you letters too early, either. What if I started talking to you, telling you stories, and thinking too much about your nursery only to have you leave our lives before we even knew if you were a boy or a girl?
We started telling everyone around mother's day, when I was 12 weeks pregnant. You were definitely beginning to make an appearance and everyone knew it :D
In some ways, you were harder to keep secret than Tristan would have been. Mama felt SICK a lot, and it started when she was only 4 weeks pregnant with you! We didn't even know about Tristan until I was 5 weeks along or so. he idea of "morning sickness" isn't exactly accurate. Breakfast wasn't appealing, but dinner was often something that sounded far worse. I felt like I always had a green sheen to my face :( I didn't really care though, as I thought if it meant you'd be healthier than your brother had been, then I'd happily take a much rougher pregnancy. I had to blame your brother a LOT though, to get out of evening events and keep people from knowing how sick mama felt. We told people often that Tristan was overly tired and needed to go home, which was also often true. Don't worry--I'm sure Tristan will return the favor in future and he'll blame YOU for things to get out of trouble :D
I'll explain your nickname later, but for now your mama (and papa) just wanted to get your story started on paper and let you know that we love you and are excited that you will join our family in November 2012.
Love,
Mama
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