Dearest Storm/Roran,
You are now 2 months old and it looks like you may have reflux like your big brother. At your 2 month check up yesterday, you were 22.5 inches long (which I think may be off--you keep your legs tucked up tight to your body and have very strong muscles, so when they measured, I'm not sure you were stretched out all the way), and 10 lbs, 2 oz. This put you in the 7th percentile for weight. Yes, you're growing and your development is right on schedule, perhaps even advanced. You coo, track objects with your eyes, hold your head up pretty well, support your weight when we stand you up and turn your head in both directions when on your tummy. What you're NOT really doing is putting on weight as fast as you should. You don't spit nearly as much as your brother did, but do have terrible gas and sometimes cry after feedings (especially the first one of the morning), so we think that the heartburn may be coming up partway and just not all the way at the moment. Though we've had you on reflux medicine "as needed" since 3 weeks, we're now going to give it to you twice a day for a couple of weeks and see if it helps the gas and other issues. I really, truly hope that it's not as bad as your brother had it (he cried at least 5-6 hours a day at your age, so I have hope that since you cry 2-3 hours at a time at most, it's not as severe). I also hope that the holistic doctor's remedy (which we are awaiting by mail) will give you relief! You're a very, very sweet boy (the most adorable coos!) when you're happy--but you do have a serious temper on you when we do something you don't like!
You REALLY did like your vaccines. I don't blame you--and I was honestly a bit worried about you getting so many at once (the doctor kept assuring me your immune system could take it and with so many germs going around, it was best to give you all those shots as early as possible. She told me her 2 year old had all of them on schedule and, though a bit fussy, did fine. This is my defense if someday it turns out that the medical field changes their position on so many immunizations--I questioned, I argued against so many shots now, and the doctor urged me forward). Anyway, you were pretty mad at me yesterday after the doctor's and part of the afternoon. It also gave you some trouble getting settled last night, staying up longer after feedings, but tylenol did seem to help a lot (we gave you two doses total, as when they wore off you screamed, but after that you seemed okay).
It's different than with your brother though. This time, when I felt anxious and overwhelmed, I told my doctor and went on antidepressants. I was worried how this might impact my ability to function (as I've been on them, off and on, since 17 and sometimes they make me a bit fuzzy), but I'm really sad now that I didn't do this earlier. I realize now that so much of the anxiety I had with Tristan and the guilt I had was hormonal and self-inflicted. Now, though the house is a mess, I'm okay with it and okay with you crying some. It's not that I don't care, but I know that 1) the state of the house isn't as important as the well being of you and your brother (and it's not so dirty that you'd get sick--though T has brought home at least 3 colds from preschool since you've been born, so we have been sick a good amount!) and 2) I am doing all I can to care for you, and I think you even realize that. I wish I'd known with Tristan that, despite reflux, it didn't have to be so hard and with antidepressants, I could have functioned better, been happier, and maybe even enjoyed the difficult times. I tell you all of this so that, one day, if you read this and your wife or a friend (or you!) are going through something similar, that you know there's no shame in seeking emotional/hormonal help and that the kindest thing you can do for babies is to care for yourself first so that you can be the best parent you can be! I don't know how long the reflux will last (it lasted a year for your brother!) but I am not as nervous this time about each day and "making it through," so we'll take it as it comes.
Thank you that, despite some fussiness, you're generally a happy baby! You make me smile a lot as you "talk" to me, and you do it a LOT! You're a very vocal baby, and seem to really love talking to mama, papa, brother, and the dogs (though you're not always sure about them). I do call you my baby velociraptor though as you hold your hands close to your chin and voraciously grab for food and feeding time! You stare into my eyes a lot as you eat and make happy noises about being fed when you can. Tender and violent all at the same time, that's you. Your brother loves you, too. He's always anxious to see you every morning, give you a paci, play with you during tummy time and show you some of his favorite things (trains, planes, cars, and sophie the giraffe among them). You are always happy to see his face and smile at him even now. I truly hope that as you both grow you continue to have this kind of friendship and love of each other for years to come. I am very blessed to have both of you as sons.
Love,
Mama
